Confidence: Stepping Outside Your Comfort Zone, Part One

“Everything you want is just outside your comfort zone.” Robert Allen, author of bestselling book, The One Minute Millionaire.

This week, I asked Little Rock political journalist and author, Suzi Parker to join in on our Confidence in a Writer’s Life workshop. Our focus this week is breaking out of comfort zones, creatively and professionally. This will be a two part workshop; the second installment will be out Wednesday.

I’ve known Suzi for a long time. She was one of my first clients as a literary agent and her stop-at-nothing to get a good story and write a good book attitude has always amazed me. The woman knows how to get things done, sells books and has fun doing it.

I asked her, how has breaking out of your own comfort zone helped you creatively and professionally?

SP: In order to be a good writer, you cannot play it safe. When I first worked at a newspaper, I could have chosen to stick with what I knew – hard news and features about the South. Instead, I made it a goal to land a story in every section of the newspaper. I knew very little about food but wanted to land in the food section. I could write profiles well so I asked if I could profile chefs. The editor gave me the go-ahead and I began writing a monthly feature on local chefs. I left the newspaper after three years but not before I had landed stories in every section including on the editorial page, which was a tough page to crack.

People often ask me if I should have written my non-fiction book “Sex in the South: Unbuckling the Bible Belt” using pseudonym. The book is an edgy, racy look at what happens in the South when the preacher isn’t looking. I never considered writing the book under a pseudonym. If I had done so, people wouldn’t know me as the political/sex writer. I have never been embarrassed a single day for writing that book. You have to push yourself into new adventures in order to keep your writing and ideas fresh. Sticking to what you write best – whatever that may be – could lead to success but it will not take you to the next level as a writer.

TLC: Right. You always hear in writing workshops, “Write what you know.” That’s great advice to start with, but eventually, to grow as a writer you must take the next step into the unknown not only to further develop your craft, but broaden your senses and mind. That isn’t to say a cookbook author needs to take a crack at writing a children’s book. Maybe that cookbook author needs to explore new combinations of flavors and spices, develop totally new recipes and take a crack at crafting a cookbook focusing on cuisine they’ve never written about.

Suzi’s Tips: Try writing a story about a subject you have never explored. Write a short story about something you have never even imagined. Force yourself to explore places you would never explore – a homeless shelter, a dark alley, the state capitol. Whatever makes your uncomfortable, try it once and then write about the experience.

Your exercise this week: Take a tip from Suzi and workout your mental writing muscles. If you’re a short story writer, write a poem. If you regularly write nonfiction pieces, try a short story. If you’re thinking about writing a second novel and don’t know where to start, pick a subject you know little about but are interested in (that’s the key) and start researching. Draw up an outline and see where it takes you.

As always, writers, let me know how it goes! Stay tuned…more to come this week.

Suzi Parker is an award-winning journalist and author, focusing extensively on politics, sex and Southern culture. She is a regular contributor to Politics Daily and its Woman Up blog, The Economist, US News’ Washington Whispers column, and The Christian Science Monitor. Her stories have also appeared in The Dallas Morning News, where she worked as Arkansas’ correspondent for seven years, Alternet.org., Salon.com, Nerve.com, The New York Times Magazine, The New Statesman, Penthouse, The Washington Post, The Atlanta Journal Constitution, The San Francisco Chronicle, The Memphis Commercial Appeal, The Washingtonian and several other national and international magazines. In 1999, Parker won a Society of Professional Journalists Award from the California chapter for her Salon.com investigative story about tainted Arkansas prison plasma and its connection to dying Canadians. Her Washington Post essay “When Death Was My Muse” was re-published in Shop Talk & War Stories: American Journalists Examine Their Profession (Bedford Books, 2003.) Parker is also the author of Sex in the South: Unbuckling the Bible Belt and 1000 Best Bartender’s Recipes. She has appeared on numerous television and radio shows discussing her books and national politics including “The Dr. Phil Show.”

Confidence: You're Driving!

I’m going to be bold and wager as a writer, you’ve had issues with self-confidence. More times than you care to count, you’ve met up with your little inner beastie critic who is all too glad to tell you your piece stinks, you have no talent, you’ll never find time to write, your dream of becoming a writer is unrealistic, you’ll never make money with your writing, your blog will never reach the right/enough people, you’ll never grab the attention of an agent and your work will never be published. Stop. Your inner critic loves to jump in and say can’t, can’t, can’t! Tell the nasty beastie to get lost, already. He’s being a drag! You wouldn’t actually hang out with someone like that intentionally, would you? Oh wait…you gave life to the little devil. Now what?

Bottom line, dear brilliant writers, is we give birth to our own negative critics. Through past failures (yes, we all have them), hurts, disappointments and other not-so-fun baggage, we choose to either feed the beast by affirming this negative garbage as part of our identity or we choose to chalk it all up to learning and growing and cultivate a sense of wisdom. Moving on from all that negative stuff is critical not only for your success but for your overall well-being. I’m not saying it’s the easiest thing to do; training your inner voice to speak optimistically takes time and a healthy dose of discipline, but it can be done.

Your confidence in your work and yourself is THE foundation of a successful writing career, period.

So when and where does all this unproductive, negative nagging end? Um, how about NOW?! It’s your choice. I know there’s a lot of literature out there right now that says the same thing I’m telling you: You’re your own worst critic. Get out of your own way. Tell your inner critic to shut up! Nothing new, right? You’ve heard it all before. It’s a hot topic right now. No matter how you hear it, hear it. Listen up and take heed, writers. Along with clarity, which we’ll get into in the coming months, your confidence directs which path you take, for better or worse. The great news is you’re driving! Choose the sunnier path.

All this month we’ll be focusing on Confidence as a virtue no writer can succeed without. We’ll discuss: why comfort zones are prisons of our own making and how to break out of them; the power of positive feedback and the importance of affirmations (I know what you’re thinking…no, I’m not going to ask you to repeat, “I’m smart enough and people like me.”); and how acting like the bestselling rock star writer you want to be actually turbo charges your success. And all along the way, you’ll hear insights from authors and other creative industry pros who’ve been there and have made it happen.

Your exercise this week: Make a list of EVERY achievement you’ve ever experienced in the last 10 years. Big or small, it doesn’t matter. Nothing gives our confidence a boost better than remembering all the cool stuff we’ve done. So get to it. Post it somewhere you’ll see it frequently. Or carry it around with you. Feel good about it and carry this feeling with you throughout the week. Sometimes all we need are reminders to get us on the right track.
Good luck and happy writing!

As always, I want to hear from you. What are your Confidence success stories? Any Confidence building tips to share? The floor is yours!

We'll be focusing on Confidence in the writer's life for the entire month of June. As usual, special guest authors and other industry professionals will jump in on the workshops to offer their perspectives and tips. Look for a new blog Tuesday, June 1!

The Cool Down Exercise: How Did I Find My Center This Week?

I’ve been thinking all week about what fun thing I would go out and “do” for my cool down exercise…maybe buy some canvas and paint, head to the farmer’s market, try out a new recipe, head to an art gallery to soak in all the yummy color and light...

Then a huge box arrived. A special Fed-Ex delivery from my sister in California. Despite the fact she’s moving a 3,000 square foot home and dealing with all the emotional stuff that inevitably comes with leaving your family home for a new one, managing her own candles, soaps and lotions business (www.jbellaboutique.com), and raising a daughter, she sends me a box full of girly stuff my one-year-old daughter would enjoy, and lots of my favorite goat’s milk soaps for me, of course! Who does that? She does. That’s just Jenny. My sister is the most giving, thoughtful person I’ve ever met in my life.

So, I thought about her the whole day. Not only did she fill my day with California sunshine, she reminded me how powerful a kind act can be. Most of all, she reminded me just how important the support of others is while perusing your dream. So I thanked her. I thanked her for the box of goodies and then some. It felt good. Better than picking out the perfect tomato or the first sip of French roast. And I do so love doing those things.

How about you? Tell me what your “cool down” exercise was this week. New to The Lit Coach’s Guide? Read the “The Cool Down: Coming Back to Center” and let’s chat.

The Cool Down: Coming Back to Center

I tend to be gung ho. A typical Aries, I jump into my gig with gusto, head first, full steam ahead. As soon as I wake up I’m mentally preparing my to do list for the day. As I whip up breakfast and lunches for my trio, I orchestrate the kitchen shuffle with focus and purpose. Packing backpacks, finding socks and giving last minute kisses, all before I finish my first cup of very black coffee, I’m writing emails in my head to people I need to connect with for some reason or another, thinking about this blog and mentally preparing for my private sessions. Before the morning really takes off, I pop my one-year-old daughter in the stroller and we’re rolling…gotta get my morning walk in, my only time to exercise and spend some time with the babe before I attack my day.

And then, oddly backwards and magically, I cool down. The first part of my walk is all about gratitude. I soak in the cool morning elements and think of all the things in my life I’m grateful for, opening myself up to more good things coming my way. The second part I tend to focus on perfecting my craft and create mini mental action plans to take follow up with. The final leg is the cool down, that fun stretch where I let my mind wander. That’s where we are with Passion this week, the cool down (Not to be confused with the cool off! No, no, dear writers! Keep those fires burning!).

It’s our last week focusing on Passion and it’s been quite the mental workout. It’s time to relax a bit, let the mind wander, get our hands dirty and our hair a little ruffled. It’s time to go with the flow and see where it takes us.

During a coaching session, my client, let’s call her Mel, was so thrilled to tell me about her indulgent writing experience after surviving NaNoWriMo. For those who don’t know, NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month. For those who participate, this organization guides and cheers on those who join for the entire month of November to bang out their novel with a specific word count goal. It’s intense. You’re supposed to write through writers block, bad plot, uninspired days, lack of sleep, “just do it” kind of writing. It’s nothing short of writing book camp. Despite all good planning and preparation, it left Mel (a graduate student of a hoity toity English University of J.K. Rowling fame) in a totally deflated, uninspired heap, with a novel she’s pretty sure will never see its way to an agent’s “must read first” pile. NaNoWriMo works for some writers, but not for Mel. It’s just not her style.

She had to take a break, a major cool down from her whirlwind writing month, to reconnect with her passion. When we resumed our sessions, she relayed how thrilled she was to have had some time to write just for herself. Not to get anywhere with it, necessarily, but to write for the sake of languidly pondering over words, choosing just the right one and letting it roll around in the mind. Just enjoying the luxury of word choice like wrapping up in a luscious cashmere blanket on a rainy day. Finding her center again, she came back to writing with newfound inspiration and appreciation for her craft.

I thought of this as I finished the last leg of my walk through the park near my home. As I rounded the corner, my thoughts and steps literally stopped in their respective tracks as an enormous red poppy commanded my attention like a firecracker of an exclamation point to Mel’s experience. Perfect timing, I thought. The bottom line? On our paths to writing and publishing success, it’s important to take some time now and then to truly reconnect with the source of our Passion. Not to get anywhere, necessarily, but just for the sake of our own enjoyment.

Your workout this week: Take time to relax from your writing schedule to do something that will bring you back to center, back to the source of your Passion. Take a few hours or take an entire day! Cook, get knuckle deep in your garden, paint with your kids, enjoy a few hours on the beach with some French roast (my idea of perfect!), read a hilarious book (ever read David Sedaris?), play the piano, write for fun, whatever! There are no rules. Savor the experience and enjoy the heck out of yourselves! Think about how great you feel and be thankful for the experience. You’ll head back to your regular writing schedule revived and inspired.

I would love to hear how it goes. Please do share your experiences with the group this week and let’s get this party started! I’ll jump in on this workout, too. Stay tuned…

Clarity of mind means clarity of passion, too; this is why a great and clear mind loves ardently and sees distinctly what he loves. Blaise Pascal

Sustaining Passion
A mini workshop with author Suzy Vitello Soule


I’ve never met a writer who didn’t love writing. Come to think of it, I’ve never met a musician, artist, photographer, actor or creative entrepreneur who didn’t absolutely love getting knee deep in creativity, period. How fun is it to wake up every day knowing you’re living out your dream, your purpose? How truly awesome is it to experience that spark of brilliance that will set you on a path toward completing an amazing piece of work? How rewarding is it (or will it be) when you see your work published? How validated do you feel as a writer when you receive glowing praise, or a “Thanks for writing that. You changed my life.” It’s a gift. Savor it. I’d love to tell you these good vibrations will stay with you all the days of your writing career…but they won’t.

We’ve all had those days when curling up on the couch with a pizza and the TV fixed on Bravo sounds like THE best idea ever. I’ll fess up; I’ve had a few of those days in my past. We’ll think, “Man, NOTHING is happening with my work. This novel is just not moving forward. I’m not getting the feedback I was hoping for; I’m not getting ANY feedback. Maybe I’m just not meant to be a writer. Maybe dad was right, I’ll never make a living this way.” Hold up. Take a step back, breathe and just relax. Even when you do what you love, you’re going to have those days that really make you second-guess your passion for writing. It goes hand in hand with the great days.

It’s our third week focusing on Passion. Last week we chose a mantra to help us wake up and create mindfully; the week before we discovered Passion as a fuel that propels our actions toward success. This week, we’re talking about how to sustain our Passion for writing when the going gets tough or mundane.

We get disconnected from our passion for writing when something gets in the way of our dream, plain and simple. So what is it? Think about your day. Maybe you can’t say no to people who want a piece of your time. Maybe you’re not able to write until the kids go to bed and by that time you’re too exhausted to form a sentence. Maybe the couch, the remote and a large glass of pinot sound like a perfect remedy to a stressful day. Whatever it is, it isn’t writing. Experiencing these frustrating disconnections frequently lead to lack of clarity (Where is this project going? Where am I going as a writer? What sort of writing career do I want?); lack of confidence (With all my obligations, I’ll never be able to realize this dream. This is not the writer’s life.); and waning passion (I’m not feeling it today). That’s where distractions introduce themselves as very convenient alternatives to stepping up your game and making things happen.

Author Suzy Vitello Soule writes for a living. Her work has been published in various journals, including Mississippi Review, Better Homes & Gardens and Willamette Week. Her personal essay, "Dancing With the Paper Rose", was included in the anthology The Spirit of Pregnancy, by NTC Press. Suzy has won several awards for fiction and poetry, including The Atlantic Monthly’s Student Writing Award, STORY Magazine’s Famous Fiction Competition, and Willamette Week’s Short Fiction Award.

Suzy lives in Portland, Oregon where, for the past several years, she’s hosted a high-caliber, weekly writing workshop whose members include Cheryl Strayed, Chuck Palahniuk, Monica Drake, Chelsea Cain and other blurb-worthy colleagues.

Recently I asked her how she keeps her passion for writing alive when the going gets tough. Here’s what she had to say.

“If you keep looking for a qualifier inviting you to the perfect writing life, forget it. There never WILL be enough time. The writers I know who are the most successful are not the most talented ones. They’re good enough, don’t get me wrong, but book deals, placing stories and essays regularly, authoring articles, living a Writer’s Life generally, is about three things, and they are very Boot Campy:

Focus
Discipline
Saying No


Focus: Distilling those big ideas into a story, essay or poem. In order for the muse to do her thing, you have to gaze upon her unblinking and penetrate the artifice. You’ll encounter many “false friends” (Anne Lamott calls them ‘shitty first drafts’ I believe), but see them more as indicators for the way in, rather than obstacles.

The Lit Coach: Suzy’s attention to Focus here goes hand in hand with Clarity, one of the most important virtues I coach writers through. You must know what breed of writer you are, what type of work you want to be known for, your brand and where you see yourself going as a successful writer before you embark on this journey. You wouldn’t take off cross-country without a road map, would you?

Discipline: The guts to prioritize writing above happy hour, matinees, baking Cub Scouts cupcakes, getting a mani-pedi. Whether it’s word count, page count or the clock, goal-setting is imperative. Establish a routine and stick to it!

TLC: Yes, yes and YES! Another virtue I spend quite a bit of time on with my clients. To be successful at anything takes Discipline. It starts with taking 100% accountability for your actions. We’ll get more into this later, but the bottom line is, we are the sum of our choices.

Saying No: Sometimes it’s as simple as putting your phone on vibrate and stashing it in a drawer. If you’re going to finish that novel, you’re going to have to learn to disappoint people, and be okay with it. This is so hard for women in particular. I like to think of it as “No is the new Yes!”

TLC: Agreed! Saying “No” to others is saying “Yes” to yourself. It’s great to help people out and we should when time permits or we’ve scheduled it into our day, but dropping your creatively productive time over and over to do someone a favor will get you off track and feeling frustrated by the end of the day.

Even though these ideas sound stark and cold, they will lead to results that will bolster your confidence and get you through the tough times, and, once developed, they become easier.”

This is the life of the professional writer. These habits take time to build, however. It’s a major commitment not only to the craft but also to your career. You absolutely CAN make it as a writer with some attention to Focus, Clarity, Discipline and Time Management, all of which we’ll be discussing with more depth in the coming weeks.

It boils down to this: when you spend more time doing what you’re passionate about, which for our purposes is turning your writing into a career, the more clarity you’ll have, the more confident you’ll feel and the more in love with writing you’ll be! Yea!

Here’s your weekly exercise, writers: Carve out one hour of non-negotiable writing time every day. Stow away the phone, no texting allowed, no status bar updating and no email checking! Just write like you mean it and see where it takes you. Have fun with it!

As always, good luck and let me know how it goes!

You can find out more about Suzy Vitello Soule by visiting www.suzyvitello.com or www.letstalkaboutwriting.com.

"Keep Calm and Carry On"

"Keep Calm and Carry On"

I recently found this gem while flipping through a catalogue. A simple yet powerful reminder, this poster was intended to strengthen the resolve of the British should the Nazis invade during World War II. Can you imagine? Only in Britain. We risk the threat being overtaken by a crazed dictator, but by all means, keep calm and carry on. And there you have it. The thing is, they would have done it. At least, that’s what my grandparents would have said.

So, if an entire nation was prepared to pull itself together with the threat of a Nazi invasion looming overhead, can we as writers pull ourselves together on a daily basis to create mindfully? I should think so.

We’re keeping our focus on Passion all month. This week, our focus is on the division between Passion and Emotion. The two are close cousins and are constantly confused for one another. Remember, Passion is fuel. Emotions, on the other hand, are feelings, right? No big science going on here.

Events in our daily lives lead us full steam into joy, love, happiness, contentment, disillusionment, anger and depression, not necessarily in that order. For better or worse, emotions flavor our lives. Only a disciplined artist who is aware of their emotional intelligence is able to separate Passion and Emotion at appropriate times to create mindfully and meaningfully for their audience. If you’re writing for an audience, it’s your job as a writer to masterfully craft a piece of work that inspires emotion in your reader. If you head into your piece clouded by the emotions of the day, you will undoubtedly produce something only you can fully understand and appreciate. If you're just creating for yourself and have no want, need or desire to shape your art into a viable career, knock yourself out. If you want to enjoy some quantifiable success with your public platform and published work, then this virtue is crucial to understand and apply. Forget the tired image of the tortured artist nobody understands and create with a purpose larger than yourself.

Ellen Snortland, journalist, activist, columnist, playwright, performer, contributor to The Huffington Post and author of Beauty Bites Beast: Awaken the Warrior within Women and Girls, writes and performs about some very hot topics. Her pieces usually center on culturally sensitive issues. Not only is she passionate about her work, she truly cares about her subjects. I asked her, how has keeping the division between Passion and Emotion helped you succeed as a writer? She responded, “I make sure I'm always in touch with what my emotions are because I feel my main responsibility as a writer, actor too, is to express authentically, in words and emotions what my feelings and thoughts are over daily life as well as the grand scheme of things.

As an artist, I have a responsibility to put into words those things that most people want to avoid or deny.”

If Ellen wasn’t able to communicate authentically and mindfully, she’d be doing her subject matter a great disservice as well as place her professional credibility at stake. Read Beauty Bites Beast and you’ll see what I mean.

Here’s your exercise this week, writers: Find your motto or mantra that will keep you calm, focused and resolved to create mindfully and meaningfully, successfully. Print it, paint it, sketch it, type it, whatever, and keep it in a visible space. Look and reflect on it daily. This is your visual reminder to snap out of it and write thoughtfully. Let me know how it goes.

If you’d like to find out more about Ellen Snortland, please visit her website, http://www.snortland.com/. She is truly one of the most amazing women I’ve ever met. If you’re in the Los Angeles area, please see her show, Now That She’s Gone. You can’t miss it.